Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
