I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
