he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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