i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
