I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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