How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Dicks are not precious.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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