I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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