Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
