Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
