You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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