Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
be right there i have to get my cape
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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