I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
