i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
