she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
