So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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