Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
