Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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