I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
