i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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