the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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