lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
