Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
