I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
