and you said cock pushups were impossible
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
