I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
