How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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