I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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