gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
