I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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