I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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