Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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