I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
