they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
