I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
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Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
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You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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