he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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