I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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