I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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