Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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