Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
