he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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