somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
