Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
there was a trapeze. enough said
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
