i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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