i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
