sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?