Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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