They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.