this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
