We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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