After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
