I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
