I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I got inside last night via doggy door
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
