I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My liver just had a heart attack.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
