Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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