to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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