I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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