DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
