saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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