i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize