I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
