its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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