I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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