i will never coherently bang her
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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