I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
