I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
